FORKNI-L
Digest - 5 Jan 2000 to 6 Jan 2000 - Special issue (#2000-5)
Thu, 6 Jan 2000
There are 34 messages totalling 1211 lines in this issue.
Topics in this special issue:
1. Toronto question (and posting problem) (2)
2. Baked goods question (2)
3. Twinkies (WAS: Re: Baked goods question)
4. Crazy Crossovers (11)
5. Twinkies (5)
6. Nigel alert
7. Evil Twinkies (was: Re: Twinkies)
8. Fanfic questions (2)
9. Looking for Nigel pic (2)
10. Evil Twinkies
11. Baked goods
12. xovers (2)
13. xovers (looking for mine) (3)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Mon, 5 Dec 2005 15:35:27 -0700
From: KYER <KYER@p.......>
Subject: Re: Toronto question (and posting problem)
MidKnight replied (to Screed &Croc thought)> yeah but if it was the croc
from Peter Pan then screed wouldn't have to
> worry, He'd hear the ticking comeing closer.......remember? the crock had>
a clock in his stomach........
**That** is just what I'm so worried about!
Knowing Screed, he'd try to get that *clock* for his personal collection
regardless of where its currently located. <eg>
So would the Croc end up with a snack, or would Screed get the bonus of a
matching crocadil bag and shoes? (More stuff to take to the Las Vegas
Swapmeet.)
Grins, :)=
Kyer, Loyal Squirette to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to
the Knight, One of The Hungry, Le Miz, Immortal Beloved (yet flexible),
Queen O' deTypos, Paranoid-Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalities who's
having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time! kyer@p.......
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 5 Dec 2005 15:56:04 -0700
From: KYER <KYER@p.......>
Subject: Re: Baked goods question
knightraven replying to my Super Schanke vs Undead Twinkie scenario: >
Somebody shoot me......please.
Sointly!
What sort of pastry ammo would you prefer? Peach pie, Chocolate MOOuse, or
Coffee Cake?
Grins, :)=
Kyer, Loyal Squirette to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to
the Knight, One of The Hungry, Le Miz, Immortal Beloved (yet flexible),
Queen O' deTypos, Paranoid-Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalities who's
having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time! kyer@p.......
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 5 Dec 2005 16:09:03 -0700
From: KYER <KYER@p.......>
Subject: Re: Twinkies (WAS: Re: Baked goods question)
> Stop it, Kyer! My mind's suddenly dropped a couple of stories below gutter
> level... thinking very UFfish and other inappropriate thoughts... and it's
> *all* *your* *fault*!!! <eg>
Escuuuuse me? Your typing of a CotK-er who still will only go out to see
'G' rated movies.
My memories of Twinkies (and Ding Dongs and Ho Ho's, ect, ect.) are of
sickeningly sweet confections that otherwise had the texture of various
building materials. (And probably would last as long, too!) Any other
connotations implied are soley of the readers' overactive imaginations
(hormones?)
I'm afraid your alone in the gutter on this one, Brenda, m'dear. <g>
Unless, of course, Screed happens by.
Grinned, :)=
Kyer
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 5 Dec 2005 16:24:39 -0700
From: KYER <KYER@p.......>
Subject: Re: Crazy Crossovers
Forever Knight and The Boy Who Loved Trolls.
That was a Wonderworks tv short about a boy who goes searching for a troll
and finds one in a loveable being named Ofoeti (as played by the equally
wonderful Sam Waterson). It's been over a decade, but I seem to recall that
one of the troll's friends was a mermaid who got around on land by unzipping
her flippers to reveal feet. (Yes-- unzipping. With a real zipper.) I
can't help but wonder what Nick and Nat would make of that mermaid. <g> Or
LC! There he is ready for a late night snack, when his intended pauses to
slip into her flippers before going for a dip in the lake.
(BTW-- if anyone happens to know if that short was ever produced for video,
please e-mail me off list. I've never loved Mr. Waterson better than in
that role. )
Kyer
kyer@p.......
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 15:29:05 -0800
From: trespasser@w.......
Subject: Re: Twinkies
> <Kyer is getting a rather blood-chilling image of an Undead, animated
> Twinkie rolling around the Wester Hemisphere, seeking to feed upon humans
> with high blood sugar....
Somehow I figure a Twinkie wouldn't roll around, it would move something like an
inch-worm. Or maybe a slug. Instead of ozing slime, however, the Evil Twinkie
would leave a trail of slimy filling in it's wake.
Carla Martinek wrote:
> Well, if anyone *is* interested in writing an FK story involving Twinkies,
Fan fiction? About Twinkies? Nonononononono! (Aron smacks eveyone's hands away
from the keyboard) No Twinkies. Especially you Kyer. <pointed glare> I think
Nick has enough trouble with Spike. Imagine animated Evil Twinkies wandering
around... Or rather, don't. No Twinkies allowed. There's gotta be a rule about
this somewhere.
Aron <trespasser@w.......>
Natpacker to the core, First casualty of War10
There is a thin line between genius and insanity,
and I am balanced precariously on it.
Donate your fic to she that needs it.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 18:54:08 EST
From: Laudon1965@a.......
Subject: Re: Crazy Crossovers
In a message dated 01/05/2000 11:58:49 AM US Mountain Standard Time,
DarkPNinja@a....... writes:
<< Ummm, Forever Knight crosses with THE DUKES OF HAZZARD! >>
Well, they both feature cars whose owners value trunk space. (The General Lee
was a 'shine running car)
Laurie of the Isles
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 19:06:36 EST
From: Laudon1965@a.......
Subject: Re: Twinkies
In a message dated 01/05/2000 4:30:08 PM US Mountain Standard Time,
trespasser@w....... writes:
<< Somehow I figure a Twinkie wouldn't roll around, it would move something
like an inch-worm. Or maybe a slug. Instead of ozing slime, however, the Evil
Twinkie would leave a trail of slimy filling in it's wake. >>
This image conjures up some of the low budget creatures in Dr. Who which begs
an FK/Dr. Who crossover. I find it hard to believe that such a thing hasn't
already been done. Does anybody know of one?
Laurie of the Isles
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 19:21:43 EST
From: DanaKnight@a.......
Subject: Nigel alert
I think I saw Nigel in an ad for The Crossing on A&E Monday. Not sure of the
time.
Judy
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 5 Dec 2005 18:09:42 -0700
From: Kyer <kyer@p.......>
Subject: Evil Twinkies (was: Re: Twinkies)
> Fan fiction? About Twinkies? Nonononononono! (Aron smacks eveyone's hands
away from the keyboard) No Twinkies. Especially you Kyer. <pointed glare> I
think Nick has enough trouble with Spike. Imagine animated Evil Twinkies
wandering around... Or rather, don't. No Twinkies allowed.>
**KNOCK, KNOCK**
Kyer <opening door>: "Hello?"
Horde of Evil Twinkies wearing black suits with white ties: "We're da Evil
Twinkies one <lead E.T. squints at clipboard> Dark Squirette ordered ta
wanders around ta List."
Kyer: <apologetic> "Oh. Gee. I'm terribly sorry, but it seems we've had
to cancel the order. Aron took exception to the idea of you guys and.... "
H.o.E.T.s: "You means we's been blackballedt from workn' in dis joint?"
Kyer: <nervously> "Err... well... "
H.o.E.T.: "Youse say dis floozy as is taken excepchion ta us is namedt
'Aron'?"
Kyer: <very nervous!> "Uh..."
H.o.E.T.: <takes candycane and twists into pretzel shape> "Where's dis
poirson live?"
Kyer: <sweating away. Mom always said processed food was bad for you---
boy!--- was she right!> "Here!" <scribbles address on piece of paper and
shoves it at lead E.T. before slamming closed door and setting all the
locks.>
"Whew!!
<pause>
DARK!!!!
(What?)
Grins, :)=
Kyer, Loyal Squirette to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to
the Knight, One of The Hungry, Le Miz, Immortal Beloved (yet flexible),
Queen O' deTypos, Paranoid-Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalities who's
having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time! kyer@p.......
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 17:51:45 PST
From: Lisa Harvey <lmharvey@h.......>
Subject: Fanfic questions
Hello!
I had to give up lurking to ask these two questions, one is for a fanfic a
friend is working on, and the other is for me. :)
1) Is there an address for CERK radio? In C&C there's a number (#78) on
the building, but was a street name ever mentioned?
2) In Black Buddha, where Nick is at the piano, and Nat comes in to yell at
him for trying to leave without telling her--what is the piece he's playing?
It's been driving me crazy!
Thanks!
Lisa -- lmharvey@h.......
http://tatooine.fortunecity.com/darkknight/79
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 15:08:28 +1300
From: Kylie Coleman-Tucker <knightraven@c.......>
Subject: Re: Baked goods question
>knightraven replying to my Super Schanke vs Undead Twinkie scenario: >
>Somebody shoot me......please.
>Sointly! What sort of pastry ammo would you prefer? Peach pie, Chocolate
MOOuse, or Coffee Cake?
AHHHHHH! Lacroix!! Kyer's been in the cellar again!!!
Why do I have an image of Spike packing a couple of twinkies at his
hips?<wimper>
knightraven@c.......
"What a wonderful thing humanity is...Passionate, intelligent, inquisitive,
generous, full of hope and joy, noble of spirit, and above all...delicious!"
http://home.clear.net.nz/pages/knightraven
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 21:11:55 EST
From: Laudon1965@a.......
Subject: Looking for Nigel pic
Hello all,
Sometime back I saw a marvelous picture of Nigel, I'm not sure what it's
from, it's a full length pic, he's wearing black pants, jeans I think and a
long black coat either a trenchcoat or a duster, possibly even leather.
Ambiguous enough for you? <g> I didn't copy the pic and now I've no idea
where I saw it. Can anybody help?
Laurie of the Isles
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 21:14:56 EST
From: Wolfy Knight <Wolfy380@a.......>
Subject: Re: Crazy Crossovers
ok, hear are a few that i came up with in my sleep.
forever knight with.... Qauntiom leap!
with hogans heroes ((i know nothing, NOTHING!))
with Green acres!
with baywatch... wait someone said that... i really thought that one was a
good one....
with Mary poppens! ((we love to laugh, ha ha ha ha!))
ok, temperary mind freeze...
with 7 days?
with "10 things i hate about you" LOL and they already have a Mrs. Perky!
~~~
Wolfy Knight, the non stop role-player
FLING THY WOK!
How can there be self-help "groups"?
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 21:15:49 EST
From: BrandyKitt@a.......
Subject: Re: Crazy Crossovers
In a message dated 01/05/2000 1:29:25 PM Central Standard Time,
cstillma@u....... writes:
> Now THAT'S scary!!! Um...Forever Knight crossed with The Power Puff Girls?
> How about Cow and Chicken?
How about FK and Rugrats? Lacroix vs. Angelica?
Evelyn Duncan
brandykitt@a.......
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 13:11:57 +0000
From: jennii <jennii@c.......>
Subject: Re: Twinkies
Hi all
Yes it has been done, it is called
"A Stitch in Time" but I don't
remember the authors name
This image conjures up some of the low budget creatures in Dr. Who which begs
an FK/Dr. Who crossover. I find it hard to believe that such a thing hasn't
already been done. Does anybody know of one?
jennii
Dark Knightie and UFfer
jennii@c.......
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 21:52:40 -0500
From: Mary Combs <mcombs@e.......>
Subject: Re: Twinkies
Laudon1965@a....... wrote:
>
> This image conjures up some of the low budget creatures in Dr. Who which begs
> an FK/Dr. Who crossover. I find it hard to believe that such a thing hasn't
> already been done. Does anybody know of one?
Tammy Morrison's "A Stitch in Time Saves Knight," for one, provides a
very charming resolution to Nick and Nat's problems. It's on Mel's site.
-----
Mary
mcombs@e....... N&Npacker
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 22:19:34 EST
From: Libratsie@a.......
Subject: Re: Looking for Nigel pic
In a message dated 1/5/00 8:46:34 PM Central Standard Time,
Laudon1965@a....... writes:
> I didn't copy the pic and now I've no idea
> where I saw it. Can anybody help?
That picture is a *copyrighted* picture from his fan club, so you might
check with them. Maybe they have some extras! (They've had problems with
people reproducing copyrighted pictures which is why I emphasized that ;-) )
--Libs
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 19:27:38 -0800
From: trespasser@w.......
Subject: Re: Evil Twinkies
Kyer wrote:
> **KNOCK, KNOCK**
<snip> Kyer ordering the Evil Twinkies to chase me through the hordes of hell>
AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Kyer you have no soul!!
Sending Evil Twinkies after me is a - a - a - well I don't know exactly what it
is but it was not a nice thing to do. <Aron hauls the formaldahyde filled
balloons out of her closet>
I'm warning you - my cousin makes anchovies.
Sudden image of animated anchovies. Animated anchovies dancing with Evil
Twinkies. YIII. Giant animated anchovies stepping on Evil Twinkies. That's
better. No dancing on my lawn.
Giant anchovies chasing Kyer with formaldehyde filled balloons.
**KNOCK, KNOCK**
I'm gonna go hide now.
Where's Schanke in all this, anyway?
Aron <trespasser@w.......>
Natpacker to the core, First casualty of War10
There is a thin line between genius and insanity,
and I am balanced precariously on it.
Donate your fic to she that needs it.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 22:32:49 -0500
From: "KITTO,CECILIA" <ckitto@n.......>
Subject: Re: Twinkies
>
> This image conjures up some of the low budget creatures in Dr. Who which begs
> an FK/Dr. Who crossover. I find it hard to believe that such a thing hasn't
> already been done. Does anybody know of one?
>
> Laurie of the Isles
I could have sworn I already posted this. There is at least one - it is
by Tammy Morrison entitled "A Stitch in Time Saves Knight". I'm not
sure if/where it is archived, but I must have a copy of it if the title
is listed in my archives.
Lady C., the Anceunt One
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 23:15:37 EST
From: BrandyKitt@a.......
Subject: Re: Crazy Crossovers
In a message dated 01/05/2000 7:52:46 AM Central Standard Time,
copper6500@y....... writes:
> I have to throw my story in for a prize on this one...
>
> Forever Knight crosses with the Brady Bunch!
>
> Top THAT!!!! :-p
>
I can't. The thought of little Cindy as a vampire fills
me with dread. She could become another Divia.
Evelyn Duncan
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 23:21:48 EST
From: DarkPNinja@a.......
Subject: Re: Crazy Crossovers
In a message dated 01/05/2000 5:06:19 PM Eastern Standard Time,
cstillma@u....... writes:
<< I can just see it now. Lucy stands there whining, "C'mon Nicky...I wanna
be in the show." Meanwhile, Nick is lost in a flashback of the time he was a
piano player at the Copacabana. >>
hmm, so let's see Rickey comes home from the club and finds their apartment
filled with vampires, "LUUUCCCYYY, you got some 'splainin to do!"
Hugs,
Ren
http://homepages.msn.com/HobbyCt/darkpninja/
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 22:31:55 -0500
From: Cindy Ingram <cgi271@a.......>
Subject: Re: Crazy Crossovers
Carla Martinek wrote:
>I have to throw my story in for a prize on this one...
>
>Forever Knight crosses with the Brady Bunch!
>
>Top THAT!!!! :-p
Oooh ... that's a tough one, all right. But I think my prize for the most
... ahem ... unusual choice for a crossover would have to go to the person
who combined FK and The Monkies. <g>
Rats! I just wish I could remember who wrote that one. I do remember
snickering a lot. Brought back all those childhood memories ... <wistful
sigh>
Or what about FK and The Beverly Hillbillies? I think Ellie Mae and her
"critters" would be mighty put out with Nick's current beverage of choice.
<g>
And then there's always:
FK/F Troop, FK/Laverne and Shirley, FK/The Three Stooges, FK/Mama's Family
(and we thought Nick and LC were dysfunctional!), FK/The Nanny, FK/The Andy
Griffith Show, FK/Lost in Space, FK/The Waltons, FK/ ... Ack! Somebody stop
me!
Disclaimer: I accept no responsibility for the ideas found in the above
message. It's all the result of oxygen deprivation and extreme mental
exhaustion caused by pneumonia and a killer cough.
I'm finally getting better, though. <weg>
Cindy Ingram
<cgi271@a.......>
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people
very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -- Douglas Adams.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 00:08:34 -0500
From: "Brenda F. Bell" <webwarren@e.......>
Subject: Re: Crazy Crossovers
At 10:31 PM 1/5/00 -0500, Cindy Ingram wrote:
>FK/F Troop, FK/Laverne and Shirley, FK/The Three Stooges, FK/Mama's Family
>(and we thought Nick and LC were dysfunctional!), FK/The Nanny, FK/The Andy
>Griffith Show, FK/Lost in Space, FK/The Waltons, FK/ ...
If you're going to go the TVLand route, why not FK-Dragnet?
"Just the facts, sir. Just the facts."
"*I* do not have to tell you anything. You *will* return my son to me."
(Back at the precinct, Gannon tries to lure Friday, Nick, and anyone else
around with his oversized lunch box. Nick reacts much the way he does to
Schanke's meals...)
Hmm... what *are* the facts?...
Brenda F. Bell webwarren@e....... /nick TMana IM: n2kye
Arctophile, computer addict, TREKker, stealth photographer...
UA, PoCBS, FKPagan; Neon-Green GlowWorm
HugMistress of the Ger Bear Project http://members.Tripod.com/~TMana/
Gerthering 3 Photos: http://nj5.injersey.com/~ic97/gertherng/
Visit the Fiendish Glow at http://home.earthlink.net/~webwarren/glow/
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 00:11:25 EST
From: DanaKnight@a.......
Subject: Re: Baked goods
In a message dated 1/5/2000 5:12:21 PM, LISTSERV@l....... writes:
<< Subject: Re: Baked goods question
>Nat jokes with Grace and her friends about her birthday
>"cake" being a Twinkie with candles in it
I thought it was a reference to the number of candles in proportion to the
cake. Sort of the number of candles dwarfed the cake...
>>
I agree! Thirty candles are a lot to put on a cake.
Judy
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 00:13:26 EST
From: DanaKnight@a.......
Subject: Re: xovers
In a message dated 1/5/2000 5:12:21 PM, LISTSERV@l....... writes:
<< just looked in my file on xovers hoping to find them, but I didn't.
<snip>. Some of themore 'odd' pairings I found on my list was a story by
Ainsley crossing FK and Sesame Street (entitled "Count Me Out"), >>
I did a FK/Miss Piggy xover.
Judy
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 23:39:55 -0600
From: Drew Nix <snix@a.......>
Subject: Re: xovers (looking for mine)
>
(delurking for a split second here)
I have done several xovers, many of which I'm looking for, having stupidly
lost them. I already have "Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs", but the ones I
am looking for are:
"Lacroix Does the SOL" (MST3K xover)
"Frank and Schanke Reunited" (MST3K xover)
"Lacroix Meets the High Commander" (3rd Rock Crossover)
"Master of the Mouse" (Les Mis Filk)
"How the Nix Stole Christmas" (Dr. Seuss/NA fic)
If any of y'all have any of these stories, please forward them to me. I will
be most grateful. Also, if any of y'all have a copy of either of the Snixco
Catalogues, please forward them as well.
Thank You and Good Night.
KC
snix@a.......
"Your father was a great man." "And an even better side dish."--MST3K
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 00:40:13 EST
From: BrandyKitt@a.......
Subject: Re: xovers
In a message dated 01/05/2000 11:23:28 PM Central Standard Time,
DanaKnight@a....... writes:
> I did a FK/Miss Piggy xover.
>
> Judy
That I would love to read! I can imagine Janette and Miss Piggy
in the same outfit.
Evelyn Duncan
brandykitt@a.......
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 01:51:40 -0500
From: Cecilia Long <celong@m.......>
Subject: Re: Crazy Crossovers
h My goSh!~ Is the only thought I can have with that one.... Nick brings
across Bo and luke! HEheheheh
--
Cecilia
Lady Ariadne--webmistress
http://www.wildbadgers.net
ICQ# 10820105
--
Ummm, Forever Knight crosses with THE DUKES OF HAZZARD!
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 02:47:00 EST
From: KnghtWtch@a.......
Subject: Re: Crazy Crossovers
Well how about Forever Knight and Charlie's Angels. That would set Nick back
a few years for the cure.
KnightWitch ;-]]=
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 07:09:04 -0500
From: MidKnight 2501 <midknightslair@j.......>
Subject: Re: Fanfic questions
2) In Black Buddha, where Nick is at the piano, and Nat comes in to yell
at him for trying to leave without telling her--what is the piece he's
playing? It's been driving me crazy!
if i remember correctly its MoonLight Sonata by Beethoven.......i went
out and bought a tape after one ep. so i could listen to it all the time
MidKnight~ The Hero will come armed with holy water, a cross and a stake.
I will come armed with a 5.56 mm assault rifle, a rocket launcher
and grenades.
MidKnightslair@j.......
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 07:02:52 -0500
From: MidKnight 2501 <midknightslair@j.......>
Subject: Re: Toronto question (and posting problem)
Kyer says:More stuff to take to the Las Vegas
Swapmeet.
is this like a real swapmeet or just a virtual swapmeet???? i live in
Vegas half the year, i want to go to the swapmeet and meet
screed!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the only thing like a swapmeet they had this summer
was a really big (Stolen) Car Radio and Speaker show at (I think) The
Tropicanna. it was really boreing....
MidKnight~ The Hero will come armed with holy water, a cross and a stake.
I will come armed with a 5.56 mm assault rifle, a rocket launcher
and grenades.
MidKnightslair@j.......
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 07:14:07 -0500
From: MidKnight 2501 <midknightslair@j.......>
Subject: Re: Crazy Crossovers
with "10 things i hate about you" LOL and they already have a Mrs. Perky!
acctually, one of the novels,,,,,i can't find it one my bookshelf,,,,is
about nick living with shakespear and working on the crew as an actor. so
its prety reasonable there can't be a crossover because Nick was a
character in Tameing of the Shrew........and in case it escaped you 10
things I hate about you is a reworked version of Tameing of the Shrew.
MidKnight~ The Hero will come armed with holy water, a cross and a stake.
I will come armed with a 5.56 mm assault rifle, a rocket launcher
and grenades.
MidKnightslair@j.......
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 07:45:00 -0500
From: Karen Tobin <LdyAngst@w.......>
Subject: Re: xovers (looking for mine)
On 5 Jan 00, at 23:39, Drew Nix wrote:
> (delurking for a split second here)
>
> I have done several xovers, many of which I'm looking for, having
> stupidly lost them. I already have "Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs",
> but the ones I am looking for are:
>
> "Lacroix Does the SOL" (MST3K xover)
> "Frank and Schanke Reunited" (MST3K xover)
> "Lacroix Meets the High Commander" (3rd Rock Crossover)
> "Master of the Mouse" (Les Mis Filk)
> "How the Nix Stole Christmas" (Dr. Seuss/NA fic)
I did this.
> If any of y'all have any of these stories, please forward them to me.
> I will be most grateful. Also, if any of y'all have a copy of either
> of the Snixco Catalogues, please forward them as well.
I had the 1999 only.
-----
Karen, LdyAngst@w.......
Dark and Stormy Knightie/Mistress of Understatement/Hero Librarian/
Mutant Enemy/Keeper of the Klew/BGoBH/MAS/PiC/Untuned/BGoFkN/
Uncarved/Unloved/Undarned/Unchafed
"Yeah, yeah. The bees liked you best. Yeah, yeah."
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 08:09:52 -0500
From: Tim Phillips <Timp@d.......>
Subject: Re: xovers (looking for mine)
Copy of how hte snix stole christmas
I loved this story, by the way. tried to send you mail to tell you
how much fun it was, but it kept being returned. Oh, well.
Tim
Hey all! This is a little bit of holiday NA/FK fic I wrote in my spare
time. Many thanks to Laurie for beta-reading, and thanks to Jayne,
Libs,
and Tracy Sue for lending me their names.
DISCLAIMER: Hm..don't think this one really merits a disclaimer,
but if
any of y'all get upset over this, my apologies.
As always, I own none of the fab FK characters, so keep yer mitts
outta my
purse!
How the Nix Stole Christmas
By Susan Nix, AKA KC, NA Mistress of Silliness
Every Addict at the Shrine
Liked Christmas a lot.
But the Nix,
who lived high above the Shrine in her own Temple,
Did not.
The Nix hated Christmas,
>From the wreaths to the tree.
"Why honor that," she said.
"When they should worship ME?"
For you see, her self-image was a thing of great might.
And her head did possess great width and great height.
And I think the main reason she had "Queen" as her sig
May have been that her ego was two sizes too big.
But whatever the reason for the webs in her attic,
She sat in her temple Christmas Eve, disliking the addicts.
Staring down from her throne, with a Goddess-like frown,
at the warm, happy addicts just coming in from town.
For she knew every addict, a holiday junkie,
was hanging a stocking for Sexy Saint Nunkies.
"And they're making hot cocoa," she snarled with much style.
"And Christmas will be here in just a short while!"
Then she growled at their faces, admittedly sappy.
"I must find a way to make these Addicts unhappy!"
"Or tomorrow I know they will all wake to see
a buttload of new toys under ye olde Christmas tree!"
"And they'll rush to their toys, and oh,
the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise Noise!"
"Sharing all their glee with the Buff Slave Boys! "
"And they'll shriek shrieks and squeals,
Racing around on their chariot wheels!"
"They'll dance the funky chicken
and the bump in high heels!"
"They'll blow their bloop-floobers
and bang their bang binkers!"
"And all of this without me, the crummy little stinkers!"
"They'll beat they're who-bongers
and wham their slu-slankers!"
"With no thought to their true Goddess,
the lousy dumb wankers!"
"And they'll play noisy games, like Hide the Cigar!"
"And they'll see how many Slave Boys can fit in Jayne's car!"
"Then ear-splitting noises will fill me with pain,
when Libs plays on accordion, 'Lady of Spain'!"
"Then the addicts, young and old, with sit down and feast,
and they'll feast and feast and feast and feast!"
"They'll feast on tirasimu and souvlaki with yeast!"
"On souvlaki with yeast I have long ceased to feast!"
"And then comes the activity I hate most of all,
every addict in the Shrine, the tall and the small,
will stand close together, by the Sacred Cold Pool."
"And they'll stand hand in hand, and they'll start to drool!"
"And they'll drool and they'll drool, all like such fools!"
And the more the Nix thought of this Shrine Christmas fling,
The more the Nix thought, "I just gotta do my thing!"
"Why, for almost three years, I've put up with this crap!"
"I must stop the addicts from opening their yaps!"
Then she got an idea.
An evil idea.
The Nix got a wonderful, awful idea.
"I know just what to do," the Nix laughed in her throat.
"I'll make an Armani-type suit and a coat!"
And she chuckled and laughed, "I'll fool those Shrine flunkies!"
"With this suit and this coat, I'll look just like Saint Nunkies!"
"All I need is a fledgling!" and she looked around.
But since fledglings are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the Nix? HA! And then she said,
"If I can't find a fledging, I'll make one, instead!"
So she took her slave Kevin,
And she gave him black threads,
And she made him up just like one of the undead.
Then she loaded some bags and some old empty sacks,
In her new Chevrolet, then she and he made some tracks.
She and Kevin both smiled as the car made its way
To the place where the addicts in their beds snugly lay.
All the windows were dark, no one knew she was there.
All the addicts lay sweetly dreaming of blonde buzzcut hair.
Then she came to the door of the Shrine with great flair.
"This is the just the right place," the sleek Nixy Claus hissed
as she crept to the door, empty bags in her fist.
Then she jimmied the lock with her selection of picks.
Hey, if ol' Screed can do it, then why not the Nix?
It got stuck only once, for a minute or two,
Then the door slid open and she snuck right on through
Where the wee addict togas hung all in a row.
"These togas," she cackled, "are the first things to go!"
Then she sauntered and slunk with a smile strangely pleasant
around the whole room, and she took every present!
Sandals, Godivas, vibrating machines
Only seen in the few fantasies over PG-13.
And she stuffed them in bags, and the Nix, with pure grace,
Threw every bag clean out of the place.
(song)
You're a bad one, Mistress Nix!
You're a dirty, rotten seed!
You're as kindly as a viper, you're as trustworthy as Screed!
Mistress Niiiiiiiix!
You're a perky cop hooked up with a...Greasy Dillweed!
You're a demon, Mistress Nix!
You're heart's as black as coal!
You've got evil in your noggin,
Domination in your soul,
Mistress Niiiiiiix!
If she was ever tried and convicted....she wouldn't make parole!
You're a mean one, Mistress Nix!
You have poison in your smile!
You have all the tender sentiments
Of Nunkies' natural child!
Mistress Niiiiiix!
Given the choice between you and Divia, I'll take the hellspawn
vampire
child!
(end song)
Then she slunk to the fridge and she nabbed the Shrine feast!
She took the tirasimu and souvlaki with yeast!
She cleaned out the icebox as quick as could be.
Why, the punk even took the last can of sweet peas!
Then she stuffed all the food out the door with great glee.
"And now," said the Nix, "I will burn down the tree!"
As the Nix doused the tree with pure Exxon gas
She heard a small sound, like the tinkling of glass.
She turned around fast when she heard the soft coo.
It was Tracy Sue Klew, who had had too much brew.
She stared at the Nix and said, "Nunkies Claus...why?"
"Why are trying to burn our Christmas tree high?"
But the Nix, she was so much smarter than Vachon.
So she made the decision to shine the gal on.
"Why, my sweet potato pie," the Evil One lied.
"This tree is sub-standard...it's thin on one side!"
"So I'm going to get you a new one, my dear!"
"It'll be way more majestic, so never you fear!"
And her fib fooled the girl, then she patted her head,
Got her a stiff drink, and sent her to bed.
And when Tracy Sue Klew was in bed with her cup,
The Nix lit up a match, and she burned the tree up!
Then she went out the door herself, the lil' rat,
And the last thing she grabbed was the Shrine welcome mat!
The only thing she left was Screed's picture of Nat!
And the one bit of food she left in the place
Wasn't enough for Kate Moss to feed her face.
And she went through every other room in the Shrine,
Making sure the addicts had an awful Christmas this time.
(song)
You are wicked,
Mistress Nix!
You're the Queen of Sinful Thoughts!
Your sick idea of fun
is tying freshmen up in knots!
Mistress Niiiix!
You're so persistent in your evil, you fling used diapers over
rooftops,
tape off your friend's CD's, heckle your professors, and send your
enemies
ads for...cemetery plots!
You're quite sickening,
Mistress Nix,
Being naughty you adore!
You make Janette Ducharme
Look like Mary Tyler Moore,
Mistress Niiiiix!
You're just about as charming and appealing as a pus-filled,
running sore!
You're a foul one,
Mistress Nix!
You're a loathsome dirty fiend!
Your brain is full of roaches,
Your spirit is unclean,
Mistress Niiiiiix!
To put all this in a way that can be easily understood....you're really
quite mean!
(end song)
It was just about dawn,
All the addicts still asnooze
Still quite filled with their holiday booze.
When she packed up the car, with nothing to lose.
She packed up their chocolate,
Their togas and their toys.
She packed up everything, all of this without noise.
Ten thousand feet up, to the site of her throne,
She rode with Kevin with the loot all their own.
"Boo-ya to the Addicts!"
She was happily humming.
"They're finding out now
That Christmas ain't coming!"
"They're waking up now,
And you know what they'll do?"
"They'll look real dumb for a minute or two,
and the addicts, one and all, will cry, 'Boo Hoo!'"
"All their caterwauling," she told Kevin, "I simply must hear!"
She paused, and the Nix put a hand to her ear.
And she did hear a sound rising over the snow.
A watery sound, that started out low.
And it started to grow.
And she glared through her telescope at all the Shrine flunkies,
And then she saw their tapestry of Sexy Saint Nunkies!
Every Addict was gathered 'round it, pumping out drool,
And despite her resolve, she started to drool, too.
She couldn't help herself really, as she gazed at his face.
And she felt all tingly in a very special place.
And the addicts were still happy, even in their empty space.
Why, she hadn't stopped Christmas, somehow it came.
Even without goodies, it came just the same.
And the Nix, with her sandaled feet ice cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling, "How could it be so?"
"It came without chocolate, it came without a tree!"
"All their stuff is gone, and they don't bow to me!"
She wondered and wondered 'till her noggin was sore.
And the Nix came up with something she hadn't before.
"Maybe Christmas," she thought, "can't be bought in a store."
"Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means something more."
And though highly disputed, some addicts say
That the Nix's huge ego shrunk three sizes that day.
And then the true meaning of Christmas came through.
And she had the kindness of ten addicts, plus two.
The Nix looked down at the addicts from above,
And she saw that through all their friendships was love.
Though they may gather 'round the keen Nunkies banner,
The good times they share are what really matters.
And now that her ego didn't have so much might,
She drove with her load in the early morning light
With a smile on her face, she went straight to the Shrine
Cheering and singing of Nunkies divine.
She rode to the front door.
She brought back their toys
To all the happy addicts and Buff Slave Boys.
She brought back their trinkets, their toasters and blenders.
She brought back the klowsers, fintoolzles and shmendendlers,
She brought all the food, everything for their feast.
And she, the Nix herself, sliced the souvlaki with yeast.
Welcome, Christmas, bring your joy.
To every addict, girl and boy.
Christmas is here, as of old.
As long as we have hands to hold.
Christmas Day will always be,
With open hearts filled with glee.
Ring the bells and release the doves,
Christmas is here, so share your love.
The End
(I know it has a happy ending, but c'mon! It's Christmas!)
Tim Phillips
timp@d.......
------------------------------
End of FORKNI-L Digest - 5 Jan 2000 to 6 Jan 2000 - Special issue (#2000-5)
***************************************************************************
Knight graphics and parchment background created by Melissa Snell and may be found at http://historymedren.about.com/
